kelaruj: (Default)
Today I came home frustrated about work and school.. have to come to work extra hours this week, had a tax exam today, have an accounting exam on Wednesday, etc. Stress. Woo.
So I was feeling restless and went on down to my neighborhood's club house, which has a little room of a few different exercise equipments, and I ran on the treadmill for an hour. And boy oh boy that was /great/. I felt so great!! I always feel so goddamn good about myself when I'm working out!! So much better than hating myself and my art and my failures when I'm sitting on my ass in front of my computer. :')

So yeah! Definitely gonna do that more often! It really helped my mood out so much.
kelaruj: (Default)
Today's been an okay day. uwu At work, I have to review companies' financial information, and put together financial statements. I really enjoy starting this process, and ending it, but I hate the middle part lol. I really enjoy having a whole bunch of stuff to do, all these files and spreadsheets to look at and verify and analyze.. but after a while I finish doing everything that works out well and that I know how to do, and I end up with the rest of the work that I don't know how to proceed, have insufficient information and need to contact the client, or something went wrong in an analysis, etc. That's the part I don't like. And that's the part I've been stuck on this entire week.

Finally though, today I was able to move past that phase into the final part that I enjoy a lot, which is putting together the financial statements themselves and cross-referencing all of the numbers to the review files.
Boss also asked me to come in extra hours next week, which is great and terrible.. more hours means more money, but I already have a lot to do for school already. I have a tax exam on Monday, an accounting exam on Wednesday, a tax project to finish by the 12th, a negotiation paper to write by the 12th..

I dunno. Laying it out like that, it doesn't sound like I have too much to do, or at least that it shouldn't be too much of a problem. I always feel so burnt out when I come home these days. I just get home and feel like going straight to bed. My alternatives are to go work on homework, or feel guilty that I'm not using my free time to work on commissions, or talk to people who inevitably vent to me and I end up stressing myself out about that too.

Anyway! I beat Contact (DS game) recently and wow the ending was baffling and rather.. unsatisfying? I don't know if there's some sort of post-game extra storyline stuff or something.. I was reading this walkthrough at one point and read their description of the ship decal, an item of sorts that lets you warp back to your base, but that it "doesn't work from certain rooms and locations, usually boss rooms and weird locations where you're not in the, ah... real world. >_>" And that comment got me really interested! I was excited at the idea that I'd be able to explore some weird space dimensions or something later on in the game! I got especially excited when there was a boss battle where I got transported inside this weird-ass alternate dimension space pyramid that the antagonists tried to summon and command but they got stuck inside too.

Unfortunately that segment only lasted that one boss battle. You can't even go back in it ever again after you beat the boss there. So, rather than that, I think the "not real world" they meant was when you get sent inside a couple arcade games. Which sounds like it could be interesting too but it wasn't that great. The "racing" game is just a couple screens where you run around a track and fight some car monsters at the end. The RPG game is just a couple screens of forced sidescrolling and bad graphics.

The music in Contact is really great though. :B I love Ft. Eagle's theme so much.
kelaruj: (Default)
Ah screw it. I can't ever write to a proper schedule.
I ended up buying a 3DS XL this past Monday. :D I also got Theatrhythm and Kid Icarus with it. I miiiiight be getting Star Fox or Zelda sometime soon too since I'd basically be getting it for $27 since I have a Gamestop pro card thing and a $5 off coupon. Which, hey, $27 is better than getting it new for $40 or something.

But oh man I am really loving Theatrhythm a lot. I was scared for a while that it would be easy and boring because a friend had commented that it was "really short". Which, now that I've been playing it, I have no idea why she would say that, because I estimate I'll probably have 30-40+ hours of gameplay in it by the time I perfect chain all the songs on all difficulties in the series and challenge modes, beat and perfect chain all the dark notes, get all the unlockable songs and characters, etc. Like, maybe she meant that it didn't take her long to "beat" the game.. but the storyline in a RHYTHM GAME doesn't even matter in the first place lmfao......

I haven't tried Kid Icarus yet but it looks really fun too!
I looked into some of the pre-installed programs and games on the 3DS itself and omg swapnote is really cute and the streetpass stuff in general is really cute ;w; I hope that I get stuff from people when I take my system to school, or when I go to AWA, hehe.
kelaruj: (Default)
Things have been going pretty well this week, emotionally! Physically not so much. I've started keeping a log of my headaches/nausea again because I'm really tired of getting headaches pretty much daily and not knowing WHY. There's got to be something that contributes to it, at least a little.. Today was a quadruple whammy with headache, nausea, feverish body temp, and menstrual cramps. I was so fucking uncomfortable I just couldn't focus enough to do my homework that was due midnight. I don't care though, I figured out I can skip a week of discussion posts and still be in the clear. I'll have to be on top of them from now on though, which shouldn't be a problem.

I am pretty happy though!! Happy with my friends, happy with my girlfriend, happy with all my followers on all the sites I go to.. u//u I'm just.. really happy with everything right now. I've been drawing anthros again, playing video games a little more often.. and stuff.. ahh lol I am too tired to write anything further
kelaruj: (Default)
Glory hallelujah I know these posts come once in a blue moon these days but I am absolutely and completely content, no, ecstatic even. UGH people are way too nice to me on tumblr I cried again today watching someone draw "I <3 u Kelaruj!" with a cute little dave and bro on my page because OH MY GOD just the thought of someone spending the time to write such a thing and draw cute things with it on top of it is just like, jesus christ, I just don't deserve it, but I appreciate it so fucking much, I'm just so happy.. plus the fact that people are calling me kela and kelaruj, even the people who've known me a while and it's gotta be hard switching over, but holy shit they still try and it means so fucking much to me I'm gonna cry again just talking about it omg

Plus the fact that I'm over my art block!! I'm still just overjoyed about that. And I've been enjoying doing requests too again omg!! It's been such a long time since I was last able to take requests and do more than one and truly have fun with them. I want to do more of them too! So many great ideas!! AHHH!!! I'M JUST SO HAPPY!!!!!!!
kelaruj: (Default)
And so, I did end up going through with it and changing my name from the oft-regretted Kilehye to Kelaruj. It's like my version of Kilehye, what it would have been if I'd made it up myself and not built from a suggestion from a friend. Her original suggestion was, when I'd had the AIM name of KiwiYellowLemon, Kiyele, the first two letters from each word. I switched it to Kileye and added an h for emphasis on "leh" and that was that. It was never my name. That's never been the way I make up names. It's always been so out of place compared to all the other names I've created.

On the other hand, Kelaruj was made the exact same way I've created all my other names. Keysmash into a letter scrambler and pull out syllables I like and attach them together in a manner I find pleasing visually and in pronunciation. >w> Flauj, Rengha, Civha, Sejan, Bluj, Rhaje.. etc etc so many of my names contain j's and/or h's.. I was throwing around Kelahru too but I liked Kelaruj more. It's finally something I can say out loud and not feel really stupid, although, visually it's more of a "kella" but I'll probably say "kayla". It's still gonna take a lot of time for me and everyone who knew me by Kilehye to get used to it but I'm just really happy with the fact that I finally fucking did it after all this time. Better late than never.

And, well, although I said in my previous entry that "I don't do these things halfway" uh.. well.. I think I am actually content just changing my twitter/tumblr/IM display names and be done with it. I've made a new gmail account for it if just to claim the name but I just kinda don't feel like making new accounts everywhere, especially places like LJ, where I have so many memories written here and I don't want to start anew. I'd pay to change my name but $15 is just too steep for me, I don't really care that much.

Makes me happy that a bunch have people said they like this name more too and it's easier to pronounce c: I'm glad there wasn't some strange unseen interpretation of it that 80% of people would get stuck on again and interpret it differently. The only different ways to say it I've seen people say were "Kella-rouge" compared to "Kayla-rouge" and that's quite fine, they sound very similar regardless.
kelaruj: (Default)
Ohhh god. I'm having another one of those moments where I casually think of something and then I get stuck on the idea immediately and I don't let it go until I've gone through with it. I can't believe I'm actually considering changing my online handle.

I've had this name for so long, at least seven or eight years at this point... So many people know me by this name.. But should I keep my name because it would be inconvenient to change and the main thing holding me back is that I've had it for so long that it would be difficult to change, or do I change it NOW because if I wait any longer it's going to be harder and harder to change it but I just know I'll be more and more regretful that I've kept it so long.

Ugh what do I do... I'll have to think of possible names to switch to... I like Flauj and Schrauza and Kalann and all but I don't identify with those names, I think of Flauj as my secondary character, Schrauza as an embarrassing alt wherein I pretended to be someone else, and Kalann makes me think of 4chan. It'll have to be something new- anything preexisting just makes me think of whatever context I thought of it under.

If I can actually manage to think of a name I like better than Kilehye and that doesn't bring any strange memories to mind or sound too reminiscent of anything that does, I might actually go through with it >_<
I'll have to change everything.. sigh. All my accounts everywhere, usernames, change all my accounts' email to a new one, IMs.. I don't do things like these halfway =w=;
kelaruj: (Default)
So, let's see.
First day of class? Canceled.
Second day of class? Professor e-mails all of us saying she'll be late.
Reads her lecture notes off of her paper really rather quickly, too quickly for me to type even just the relevant information and I type fucking 80-90 wpm.
Says she'll e-mail the class with information regarding the online homework service we need to purchase access to. No e-mail yet.
Says we have online discussion assignments every Wednesday, "open from 12am to 11:59pm." Says she'll post an example of what she expects to see. It's 5pm and there are no posts whatsoever, example or otherwise.

Greaaaat class so far.
The only things keeping me from outright dropping is that we don't meet in class on Wednesdays and the midterm/final are both open-book and online.

Edit: o-oh. She was giving us a break this week and not assigning discussion homework. Ok. uh. cool then.
kelaruj: (Default)
Welp I had my wisdom teeth taken out yesterday morning. It went differently than I expected, better than I expected, heh.
I was pretty nervous at first and a guy called me up to go into a room and lay on a chair, another nurse came in and put a blood pressure/heart rate thingy on my arm, put some other diagnostics thingies on my chest/stomach, the guy put an IV in me, and then they gave me laughing gas. Man the laughing gas was really weird. It was hard to breathe at first but it eventually made my body feel really heavy and my mind was coherently thinking how damn weird it was but my body was smiling and laughing and feeling heavy hahaha.

After that I just... woke up tired and cold and my face was numb and felt that my mouth was full. And it was done. I was disappointed because I woke up completely coherent pfff I wanted videos of me being stupid and saying dumb things on the anesthesia but my mind was working just fine, it was just my body that was numb and wobbly.
It was really hard to talk at first so I just took my phone and texted my mom while we were all in the car lol, whatever works. They gave me a free chick-fil-a milkshake too! ;A; That was nice of them, and yummy. At first I could barely taste it but I had a little tiny bowlful every so often throughout the day and I was tasting more and more of it each time and it was very delicious.

My face was numb pretty much the whole day, but now after 18 hours or so my lower lip and chin has regained feeling again. \o/

Marzi's coming over later today to hang out with me and I'm really looking forward to that! I just hope I'm not drowsy the whole time, since something I've been taking has been making me really sleepy. I think it's the vicodin or something. The ibuprofen doesn't seem to make me sleepy. But even so I just really want to watch movies and play games with her and chill out for a while. uwu
My mouth is still bleeding a little so we switched from me having to bite down on some gauze to a couple of tea bags right now, hopefully that will stop the bleeding so I don't have to wear gauze when she's here. Cause it's real hard to talk with that stuff in my mouth. And this tea is really gross. (unsweetened tea ewwww)

Oh and I also have to wear this "ice bra" on my head lmao she will probably laugh at how silly it looks because it is certainly silly. Ice bra! What a name too. It basically looks like a strapless bra that you stuff ice packs where the boobs would be, and wrap it around the head.
kelaruj: (Default)
wow this is not good my entries are getting more and more angry these days :/
um. talk about something happy. I bought a PSP3000 recently off of marzi's brother and it's been great. installed cfw and started playing Taiko DX and that's been really fun, the RPG mode is really fucking adorable, you control a damn army of baby drums and at the end of a "battle" they'll yell out a war cry and charge and it's just THE CUTEST THING....
Im just gonna go back to playing that then so I don't have to think about shitty negative things
because it's hard to be sad when everything is so fucking happy and adorable
kelaruj: (Default)
So.. what good stuff happened today..
On Subeta I passed 10m pure today. :D I am starting to think that 7m isn't much after all since I am pretty much able to earn 2-3m per day, and I'm not really doing that much, but oh well. The auction was for a simple picture anyway.

Basically I just kinda lazed around all afternoon after I got back from work..
Oh! Someone is writing a story for me though, and might finish sometime tonight. ;w; It is chock full of insane fetishes haha! We started talking on IM recently and found that we share quite a lot of the same kinks, so she wanted to continue a ficlet she'd written for me, and I want to draw for it as well, and am hella excited to read it.

Speaking of which, I am feeling kinda motivated to draw again so I will go and get started on that. :D
kelaruj: (Default)
thinking about doing a mass unfollow on tumblr.. like, 100+ people <w<;
admittedly the driving reason I want to do so is to separate from some people I still "follow" (on tumblr and but not on RSS) but want nothing to do with.. I'm not going to change anything on RSS so this ultimately changes nothing significant for me but nevertheless it'd make me feel better.. I do check my tumblr dash once in a while out of boredom and I still see posts from people I can't stand and unfollowed long ago on RSS

but yeah whatever onto something more positive I'm going to MTAC next weeeeeek, it'll be the first con I ever paid to go to, the first time I ever stayed at a hotel without my family, the first time I've consciously gone out of Georgia (was born in Minnesota and might've gone to SC once but don't remember either at all), and the first time I'll be driving for 4-5 straight hours (save for gas/food break[s]??) fffff
I am.. admittedly nervous that I won't really enjoy it? I mean, I just have no idea what you're supposed to do at conventions. stand around watching cosplayers and talk to people, or go to dealers dens and buy shit??
I know I'll enjoy hanging out with my gf and the cool people we're meeting up with but other than that I honestly have no idea what we're gonna do..

so here's hoping that doesn't end up a total disaster

edit (following 411 now, let's see how much I end up cutting after all haha)
I still have 11 pages of follows to go through but I'm already down to 366 fffff
ended up at 259 for now lol damn unfollowed 152 people today so far
kelaruj: (Default)
holy hell I just got two people offer to write fanfics for me and eye wants to do a birthday pic for me >//< ON TOP OF ALL THE OTHER PEOPLE WHO TELL ME THEY'RE ALWAYS OPEN FOR MY REQUESTS..... SDKFJLLKDFLKJ

also regarding birthday stuff, I never know how to handle that.. :V most years end up with nobody online aware of it at all save for good friends who forget about it until I tell them that it's my birthday (often after the day had passed). I've just never felt quite right making a big deal about it. like the fact that I say "it's my birthday!" is, in itself, begging for gifts/attention.

lmao I just checked my LJ inbox, thank you for reminding me of my own birthday. XD

but yeah, hmm u.u I might make a casual "yay it's my birthday" post on the day itself, or something..
it might not be.. entirely selfish though? if anyone does end up doing anything, I will no doubt reblog it on my main account, and hopefully garner attention/love for that post/artist/writer hehehe. ;w; man it makes me really happy to hear that simply reblogging stuff from certain people have gotten them a lot of attention they hadn't had beforehand.. it's such a weird thing to think about, but a happy thing nonetheless.
kelaruj: (Default)
maybe its just because i didnt sleep last night that everythings hilarious

nsfw pic of a cock )

kelaruj: (Default)
fuck, I'm so happy. so happy. so goddamn happy.

just wow
that started out kind of bad, was being socially awkward and sat in a corner drawing in my sketchbook. then after a couple hours people started gathering a little over to my area to draw as well. then I made myself a nametag. and THEN, oh god, people started recognizing my name, and came over to me to gush about how they loved my art and were fans. most of the time when someone came up to me and said they liked my art I opened my sketchbook and offered them a drawing, gave out probably 5-7 pics? maybe more I don't remember.

oh god I met generalterror. and cooler-kid-on-the-block. and emiggax. and and and a bunch of other ppl. and talked about eyecandyburns and 9aia and cissie and GOD it was like we all knew each other, one big fuckin awesome tumblr family

I am so fucking sleepy I can't type much more.. I didn't take any photos after all but I expect that other people will post their own in the atlantastuck tag or something.
kelaruj: (Default)

Something that keeps coming to mind and I honestly don't know how to feel about it is the matter of artists who refuse to take criticism.

When I see artists who get blatantly insulted for their art, whether it be about their style, their technical knowledge, or the subject matter.. the artist can react a couple of ways.
Deny all accusations with "it's my style," "I can draw what I want," and/or "go look at someone else's art."
Acknowledge the criticism and legitimately try to improve.

For quite some time now, I have always tried to follow the latter myself, but what if someone tells me to change something I quite personally wouldn't want to change for whatever reason? What if someone is told that their style looks too much like someone else's and that they should "try different things"? I was once trying to gather criticism of my own art and someone had expressed that they knew I enjoyed drawing "kawaii yaoi" and all, but that they "knew I could do better" and preferred other art I had done in the past.

Is this something that also deserves to be considered in order to better oneself artistically? Even more to the point, to what end should an artist better themselves? To the artist's own satisfaction? To an audience of potential sales and commissions? To an audience who provides feedback (i.e. fandom, online gallery sites)? If an artist has no desire to become "professional" and enjoys drawing as a hobby, not as a career, should that artist nonetheless seek to improve their art?

A friend of the artist would no doubt tell them that they should draw whatever they like and not feel that they should pander to others.
Others, objective and detached from the emotions of the artist, would most likely assert that an artist should never stop trying to improve, and to fall into an artistic comfort zone and block out criticism is one of the worst things an artist could do.

I guess it all depends on the artist, the situation, and the amount of backlash the artist is willing to take...

kelaruj: (Default)
Right right, I tell myself to post here more and then forget about it for a full week again.
Hmmm, so what's been going on lately..

Well, at work things have been going pretty nicely~ Boss told me we'd all have a holiday lunch on the 8th! Looking forward to that very much. :D

School's been school, as it always is. Thank fuck I only have two weeks left. Just counting down the days... sigh.
But in that two weeks, I still need to
  • contribute to group management report due the 30th
  • write individual management report due the 5th
  • contribute to and participate in the management presentation due the 7th
  • study for history exam the 30th
  • start and finish tax return due the 7th
  • start and finish current article analysis for information systems due the 8th
  • continue working on information systems group project due the 8th
  • contribute to information systems memo report due the 8th
  • final tax accounting exam on the 30th
  • final information systems exam on the 6th
  • final management exam on the 5th
;A; so much to do. so little time.
of course I am making full use of my productivity and drawing as much porn as I fucking can diligently studying and completing assignments.

Tumblr, man, I don't even need to say anything, it's the light of my day every single day.x )
I was talking with eyecandyburns the other day, she was the one to give me the Runaways fic and get me into Runawaystuck, and she showed me her WIPs and drew me a nsfw Runawaystuck comic!! ;v; aaah I still love it so much, god it's hot! I'd show it off and post it all over the place but she said she wasn't going to post it on her Tumblr so I will respect that she probably wouldn't want me to spam it everywhere. even though I love it a lot.
It's so amusing that I've been getting a lot of people interested in Runawaystuck with my art!! I mean shit, my stuff's even getting passed around on /y/ ;w; Oh!! and I also went to /u/ the other day and my art was in the Homestuck thread there too hafsjdksfkl FUCK THE INTERNET JUST WANTS TO MAKE ME EXPLODE FROM HAPPINESS THESE PAST COUPLE MONTHS
kelaruj: (Default)
Collecting my thoughts about classes.

I am probably going to get an A in management. No need to worry there.

Probably going to get a B in history. Gotten an 80 and a 74 on exams so far, two exams left.. but I can also retake one. 15% homework/quiz grade cushions a bit so I'm fairly certain about a B.

Tax. Fuck tax. Fuck this class. Fuck fuck fuck. There's no way I'm getting any higher than a C. And that is just so fucking pitiful to say/think about. Because it's a fucking open note/open book class. UGH. HOW AM I FAILING TESTS IN THIS FUCKING CLASS.

Information systems is on the cusp of B or C. Probably going to end up a C.

And---! Hooray, none of this matters. The only goal I have for the rest of my time at this university is to keep my scholarship, which needs a 3.0 overall GPA to sustain.. and seems to be based off of all my classes except for my first year. <_<; Excluding that, then, gives me a 3.38 GPA (otherwise, I have an actual GPA of 3.65). If I get an A, B, and 2 C's, then I'll end up with a 3.24 HOPE GPA after this semester. Woo.

Hell yes I just calculated the grades I need for the rest of my degree and things are looking gooood. Awesooomeee.

I always have to give myself a pep talk like this whenever I fail a test LOL. Yeah I got a 67 on my tax test so I freaked out again.
kelaruj: (Default)
oh mah gawd every day is just a flood of happy lately
Work is going awesomely
School is ehh but I don't give a shit anymore
Internet stuff is so motherfuckin awesome

I do get a little conflicted lately over whether I should say anything. I want to gush about how happy I am, but I don't wanna brag. :T And they're kind of one and the same.. if I do one, I do the other, that's just the way it is. But.. shit man, I'm just so happy, and it's weird keeping it all bottled up because there's no one I can talk to about stuff. I did talk to my best friend IRL recently and blabbed on about my blessings recently but I just kinda felt bad about it because there she was, telling me about her misfortunes, how she's not content in her lovelife, how she's going to drop out of school after this semester, and I had nothing but good news to talk about.

But goddammit this is my JOURNAL so I shouldn't feel UNCOMFORTABLE WRITING ABOUT MY OWN DAMN LIFE. <.< It's different talking about shit here rather than, say, Twitter, or IMing someone directly about it.

ANYWAY. Yeah. This is mostly about Tumblr. ;w;
I'm already up to 635 followers.. I mean, holy shit man... I don't even care whether I deserve it or not anymore, I'm just so fuckin happy. I get loving messages from people so often now.. even one from an author I really love.. I even got someone offering to draw me anything I wanted today and they actually did it, and just.. wow..
just.. shit man, everything changed. Everything changed so wildly these past couple weeks. I was so used to being off to the side, with a few watchers here and there, content with a comment or two or a favorite or two. I can't say I wasn't envious of people with more of a following, people who were a little more 'famous' than I was, artists who had a lot of people that paid attention to them, but I didn't give it much thought. I was happy with what I had! I mean shit, I have 1261 watchers on FA, that's something!..even if 1150 of them are dead/uninterested accounts who don't even look at my submissions (average submission gets ~100 views).

but yeah, now.. god I'm gonna start crying.. XD I'm just so happy... I love doing these requests so much, and I'm so fucking happy that the people who requested them and so many other people enjoy them too. and I'll just continue showing my thanks by giving back to them, doing what I can to make the people who make me so happy, happy too. :'3
kelaruj: (Default)
AND I WAKE UP WITH 21 MESSAGES AND 304 WATCHERS *dies *dies forever*
apparently people like Homestuck porn
a lot

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